Boldly Unbroken

For many years I struggled with depression and anxiety. I harbored a lot of anger, bitterness and resentment. There were so many things that I could not let go of. I had buried that pain so deep inside of me and refused to let it show. It was a BEAST. Because of this I was nearly always offended by what people said and did. I failed to realize that my bitterness, resentment and anger was a reflection of myself and not anyone else. It was bad… For years I blamed my parents, childhood issues, ex-husbands and failed marriages for how I felt. Thinking about all of that, there was one common denominator. ME. I played a part in each of those things… whether it was an issue I could control or not, a decision or choice that was made for me or on my behalf or something I voluntarily participated in… I had a large role in it. At the time I couldn’t see it and certainly did not want to believe it. So I prayed about it. I asked the Lord to take my blinders off to help me see, learn an

(This was originally written 1/19/2015, just 5 short years prior to losing my dad. What a gift he left behind.) My dad! My dad loves to sit and tell his life story to everyone.... I've heard it over and over myself for nearly 50 years. To be honest, there was a time that I thought, "if I hear that story one more time, I'm just going to scream"!!! It is clear to me now... it makes perfect sense. He tells his story of how he overcame everything life has thrown at him since he became crippled and disabled in 1967. I was only two years old when my dad fell 57 feet while painting a water tower. Long story short he has spent many years recovering from all of his physical injuries from that accident. Too many to post on here. In spite of all of that, he did everything his broken body could do to continue to support a large family. As children we never had the best of anything but we always had exactly what we needed. We always knew that dad's situation w

It’s Christmas day and I wake up alone. Alone… Nobody here but me. THE GOOD. The good thing about waking up alone on Christmas day is the quietness. I can wake up early or sleep in late. I don’t have to rush. There is no one here to give me demands of what they want for breakfast, how they want their coffee, what music or TV station to turn on. I don’t expect anyone at my door, nor do I expect any visitors today. THE BAD. See above paragraph from a different perspective. THE UGLY. I’ve accepted it. I wonder if it will always be like this. I don’t like being alone but at the same time I don’t want to be with someone just for the sake of not being alone. Or, maybe it’s best… I’m not sure. I know what I want in a lifetime mate therefore, I’m not settling. Me and God talk about this a lot. A lot, a lot! THE TRUTH. The truth is, I like not having to rush home from everything I enjoy doing because someone is home waiting for me to do something for them. I like having t

At first, I didn’t even notice him… After all, he was there to see my sister. He had a crush on her but to her he was invisible. So invisible, that she left to go out with her friends. I had patiently awaited for my date to arrive. A boy; a very handsome and sweet boy that asked me on a date even after I broke his heart a couple of years before. He was actually my first true love and I was secretly still in love with him. My patience turned to anxiousness as I kept peeking out the window although it was obvious he had stood me up. Payback, I guess. I was heartbroken and I cried. Since my sister had abandoned the boy that had come to call on her, he turned his attention to me, soaking in self-pity because my date was a no-show. He hugged me and comforted me and I loved the attention, it was different..... and somewhere inside those few minutes we found one another. At first, I didn’t even notice him and certainly did not realize he would be my first ex-husband.