THE STRUGGLE...

For many years I struggled with depression and anxiety. I harbored a lot of anger, bitterness and resentment. There were so many things that I could not let go of. I had buried that pain so deep inside of me and refused to let it show. It was a BEAST.

Because of this I was nearly always offended by what people said and did.

I failed to realize that my bitterness, resentment and anger was a reflection of myself and not anyone else. It was bad…

For years I blamed my parents, childhood issues, ex-husbands and failed marriages for how I felt. Thinking about all of that, there was one common denominator. ME.

I played a part in each of those things… whether it was an issue I could control or not, a decision or choice that was made for me or on my behalf or something I voluntarily participated in… I had a large role in it.

At the time I couldn’t see it and certainly did not want to believe it. So I prayed about it. I asked the Lord to take my blinders off to help me see, learn and grow who I was in Him. He showed me his grace and mercy. I needed forgiveness of everything harbored inside of me.

In order for me to have peace and contentment in my life I also needed to forgive the people that hurt me the worst… not for them though, but for myself.

The hardest thing for me to do was to humble myself to pray for blessings over the ones that had hurt me so bad. I had to do it though. God expects me to forgive others if I expect to be forgiven. There is no way around it.

Since the days of praying daily blessings and forgiveness in my heart those that hurt me the worse, I have seen many blessings in return. In little ways and in big.

My heart doesn’t hurt like it used to. I no longer hold on to the things that once hurt me. While I still struggle with life… I don’t struggle with depression and anxiety.

The thing is… they were never mine to hold on to in the first place. I chose those burdens, myself.

Anger, bitterness and resentment are all part of my past. I have learned, though it has taken many years, how to overcome those things .....

From now on, I choose differently. I choose to never look back so it it will never happen again. I choose joy, peace and love. I choose to be happy.

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