Boldly Unbroken

My second husband and I, were married June 23, 1989. He and I both shared the same love language of “gifts“.  We each gave gifts for the most part that could also be considered “acts of service”.  Most of the times our gifts to one another were very practical. Other times they could be eccentric. I remember for our second anniversary he had given me a bonsai tree and then for Valentine’s Day one year he gave me a patchwork leather jacket that I had had my eye on for quite some time. Those were special to me.  Some of our favorite gifts to one another were our spontaneous trips, whether they were weekend getaways for the two of us or with our children. Even though we were never in competition with one another, we did jokingly tease about the both of us trying to “out do” the other.  Mother’s Day of 1998 was approaching. He had become giggly, playful and just so extremely excited that I knew something was up. Then, the Friday before Mother’s Day he picked me

For years, and I mean a lot of years, I carried around with me a lot of resentment. Beginning in my childhood and continuing throughout my adult life. Man, was that some baggage.  Resentment for my parents putting their needs before their children’s needs. Resentment of an ex-boyfriend for abandoning me during my pregnancy. Resentment of the small town I live in for gossiping with rumors during the loss of my children’s father. Resentment of my sisters sharing their judgemental opinions to friends in hopes of destroying my character to make themselves look and feel better. Resentment of friends not siding with me. Resentment of anyone that did not believe me when I was being physically and emotionally abused. Resentment of a best friend for choosing addiction over friendship. Resentment of  an ex-husband who reminded me every day that I was not good enough. Resentment of stepchildren for believing that if they loved me it was demeaning of a relationship with their own moth